+ Thinking

We all get stuck in those downward spirals of negative thinking. I know I do. One thing disrupts my day and bam! the negativity kicks in. Or, I want to evaluate situations in my life realistically, so I tend to focus on the missing pieces. I used to believe I was a fairly positive person…until I began to evaluate myself. I knew I wanted to be a more positive thinking person. Anytime I was around someone with an upbeat look at life, I would find myself trying to figure them out like a puzzle. I would study them to see if I could connect the pieces in my life to give me what they had.

It wasn’t until I went through a very negative life event that I gained some of those pieces. The desire to be different than what I knew was there…I needed the knowledge and tools to get to where I wanted to be.

I read somewhere that our brains physiologically can not turn/flip a negative into a positive. For example, when I say, “I don’t want to be negative in my thinking” all my brain hear’s is “I want to be negative in my thinking”. So instead, approach the thought from a positive outlook and you get “I want to be a positive thinker”. Learning this has completely changed the way I talk to myself and others. I have horrid habits that I still work on daily, but I try and stop myself when I say “quit being mean” to my kids and rephrase to “let’s be kind to each other”…easier said than done, right?

When I was more naive to the concept of positive thinking, I often wondered if happier people were just faking it. My thoughts were usually, “how can a person be so happy all the time?” or “ugh…why do they have to find the good in every situation, can’t I just revel in my tantrum for a bit?”. What I found was that my negative mindset stemmed from just that…internal negativity. I was overall unhappy with who I was and where I was in life. Therapy and taking control of my decisions helped me get to a more healthy place (physically and emotionally), which effected all areas in my world. My outlook on life changed. I experienced hope that I thought had been completely wiped out.

Once my foundation was favorable, I caught a glimpse into what those people I had studied for so long possessed.

Living in a place of thriving and not surviving gave me the ability to feel. I had lived in the fight-or-flight response for so long that I had lost the ability for my body to recognize good feelings to a degree. Good things had happened in life and the surge of emotions that came with it made me feel alive, but they were fleeting. When they left, I was left with a pretty hollow version of who I once was.

Positive psychology tells us, “We’ve all come across the ‘fight-or-flight’ response which accompanies negative emotions. This automatic response mechanism has the effect of narrowing down our thoughts and behaviours to very specific, self-protecting actions; in the case of anger it’s to fight, and in the case of fear, to run”.

Learning how to undo the runner in me has been challenging and exhausting. I lived in fear for so long, I really didn’t know how it felt to live any differently. In some ways, it was like I had to learn things like a toddler would all over again. I know that sounds silly and it’s too complex to discuss here in this short post, but it’s true to an extent.

So, to take control and have a more positive outlook in your life, what should you do?

For me, I had to start by evaluating the negative. It was so hard and I lost a lot…more than I ever could’ve imagined, but totally worth it. What is bringing you down? What strong holds you on those days you wake up and say to yourself, “I’m going to make today a good day” and then bam! that strong force takes you down. Identifying the underlying negative things/people/relationships/jobs…are essential in the beginning stages of a more positive life…at least, for me it was.

If you give more than 50 percent positive thoughts and feelings instead of negative, you have reached a tipping point. Even if you just give 51 percent good thoughts and good feelings, you have tipped the scales of your life! -The Power

The Critic

I haven’t written much this year. If I have, it has been in personal journals or blog drafts waiting to be published. My lack of writing hasn’t been from lack of inspiration or passion. As previous post have mentioned, putting my thoughts and feelings out there is not easy for me. I worry about how things will be taken or if the post will be good enough…I’m sure you can relate and understand on some level.

The truth is…the critic I was most scared of this year is shame. I would picture one person coming back with a comment about how divorce had discredited any of my views/thoughts/opinions about everything. I knew if this was what was the thought driving this car I was not in a healthy place to put myself out there, so I’ve stayed mostly quiet and have done A LOT of stillness.

This critic is still just as loud today, but I’ve discovered it’s kryptonite.

There are some hot topic discussions out there on the daily about racism, assault, oppression…what I have learned is it’s not the critic that has the loudest voice during these heightened emotional debates, even thought they might like to think it is. If you think about any controversial issue, the first person that accompany these thoughts are probably the critic…but the one that has the lasting impression is (for me) always the advocate. The truth is, the critic an immediate effect, but it often dies off and is usually forgotten about. The slow, steady, and passionate advocate is still there allowing their beliefs to guide them.

Think about a movie critic. They give their piece of advice, rarely positive and most times negative. People read it and eventually forget what it says…especially after they have seen the movie and connected with it. They own a stake in their opinion of this movie.

There have been a lot of critics over the last year that are loud and persuasive. I often times give them way too much credit in how I view myself. Then there are those that have viewed the movie…some that have even been a part of it. They were the behind-the-scenes hands and voices that get little recognition at the awards shows. They were the advocates. The movie exists because they put in the time and effort and love and passion into making it happen. The lead actor can only do so much before their energy is depleted. Once it is depleted, the team behind him steps their game up and rallies…better yet, in a really good movie…an epic movie…the lead actor never gets tired. His advocates support him and they work together to make a beautiful film….TOGETHER.

You may be asking yourself what this looks like realistically…

in my life, it looked like this….

*instead of hearing “she could be doing better”-  she heard “she’s doing the very best she can”

*instead of hearing “you aren’t included”- she heard “we don’t have much, but we can give you what you need”

*instead of hearing “you should make better/other choices”- she heard “I haven’t walked in your shoes and I don’t fully know what you have been through, I can’t judge your choices”

*instead of isolation-she experienced invitations

*instead of avoidance-she experienced major bear hugs (and if you’ve read my blog you know how I am with hugs)

*instead of hateful messages-she received messages of empathy

*instead of assumptions-she received questions

*instead of hate-she received love

*instead of assumptions of the worst-she received understanding

*instead of higher expectations-she received grace

*instead of judgment-she received empathy

*instead of avoidance-she received an invitation for her side to be heard

*instead of “consequences”-she received support

When I found myself in a position of standing up for myself or facing my harshest critics, all I wanted to do was hush the advocate and believe the critic carried more weight. But, here I am a year and a half later and I can still remember the sting of each critic, but then those beautiful moments of advocacy pop up and those critics are silenced.

Do you know who the most impressionable advocate that has immerged has been? Myself. Once those critics had been silenced and those advocates arose to fight the battle I was too weak to fight myself, I realized that the critics had a biased lens. Sometimes that lens was a trend and sometimes each person’s lens was specifically created from their past, but once I could see that their words weren’t about who I was, but more about who they were, I found freedom. I found freedom to draw the conclusion of who I am from my own opinions.

Now, never listening to the opinions of others can also lead to it’s own set of issues, but what was important to remember is when an advocate comes to you with a concern about a concern of your behaivor or choices, it’s from a place of love….NOT judgment.

Love (to me) looks like this:

“Hey, something isn’t sitting well with me about a decision you made. I’m sure I am unaware of things that brought you to that decision, so I wanted to have a conversation so I can fully understand and we can talk from there”.

Who are your critics? More importantly, who are your advocates? Most importantly, have you found the advocate within?

Therapy

I love Psychology. I got my Bachelor’s in it and I read psychological books/blogs/articles for fun pretty much daily. I’ve seen a therapist regularly during two seasons of my life. I wanted to share some wisdom that I obtained through therapy that were pivotal turning points in the direction of my life.

You will run from normalcy because you feel comfortable in chaos. Growing up under abuse made me feel more at peace in a lot of ways when there was some trauma happening in my life. People would often say, “how are you still standing?” or “you are so strong”, but I had plenty of defence mechanisms built up that allowed me to dissociate easier than associate with reality. When I learned how to control this and gave myself the freedom to be vulnerable, trauma got much harder. Crying became a reaction to being sad when previously, crying never really happened for me unless I did it in private. Trauma became hard again. It didn’t feel normal and because of that, I was able to feel when things were out of balance. When normalcy felt right, trauma felt wrong and this was a great thing.

Boundaries are essential to a healthy lifestyle. I don’t know if I will ever fully grasp boundaries in this lifetime. I am hopeful, but I am also realistic. Often times I find myself setting a boundary only to realize later I could’ve been much more affective pouring my energy into a situation a whole other way. My world, up until a few years ago, was overall boundary-less. The hardest, but most essential lesson I have learned through a boundary filled life (and I truly can’t stress this enough) is that people who lack boundaries for themselves will get angry at you when you implement boundaries with them.  Some will get incredibly angry and if it’s a new lifestyle for you, the guilt will feel excruciating. But, the comforting news is, the more you implement healthy boundaries, the more you see the benefit of them.

Growing comes with a price. My therapist asked me one day to rate myself on a scale from 1-10 (10 being the highest) based on where I feel I am at in life overall. I rated myself a 6. She drew a circle around the numbers 5,6, and 7. She explained that it’s human nature to attract people into your life that are within a number or two above and below what you view your self-worth to be. The more emotionally healthy I became, the higher I would rate myself. Made sense. What she said next was painful. She pointed to the 8 and said if/when I reached an 8, I would attract 7’s and 9’s. This sounds good at first until she followed it up with “not everyone will grow with you…it will be their choice”. It was at that moment I had to decide between sacrificing my growth to hold on to relationships or love myself enough to keep working like hell to break down my guarded walls and bank on the hope that everyone would do the same….I think we can all guess at the outcome of this logic. Growth is costly.

Surviving and thriving are extremely different lifestyles. Through teary eyes and many justifying pleas to my therapist, she looked me straight in the eyes and said “I see a very intelligent and wise woman surviving through life. I want to see her thriving”. She gifted me the words of approval in that moment. I realized life is about choices and those choices were giving me a life of survival. I was sitting around a small self made fire, eating wilderness food, praying to be rescued….and calling it a life. Once my mentality changed from survival to thriving, the choices I made felt like survival, but I had rescued myself from the wilderness. Each decision afterward, was a step towards the rescue boat where thriving became a closer reality.

It will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. This was my mantra many times during crisis. A lot of times, it’s the only thing that got me through. So often, I want to throw in the towel during the pivotal moments because it’s the climax, but I would close my eyes, say my mantra and believe it. Then…the rainbow would appear…every time.

Guilt was a misleading emotion. During a session, my therapist stopped me mid-sentence and asked me if I knew what word I kept using to describe how I was feeling towards a certain situation I was in. I had no clue, but she enlightened me. GUILT. I had tied guilt to all negative emotions I felt. She explained that this started with “little Holley” and when bad things that happened to me, I experienced guilt because I believed I could have stopped it, but I didn’t. Because of this, anytime negativity showed its face around me, I immediately felt guilty and believed it. She asked me what I had done wrong in the situation I was currently in. I had nothing. No answer. I wasn’t experiencing guilt…I was experiencing sadness and fear and sorrow and grief… Now, when I feel guilt creeping up in my heart, I ask myself if I did anything wrong. If the answer is yes, I deal with it accordingly and if the answer is no, I spend time sifting through my thoughts to nail down the emotion I am actually feeling. Being able to identify and decipher this has been empowering and life-changing.

Run towards normalcy. Implement boundaries even when they feel impossible. Pay the fee for individual growth. Thrive because we only get this life. Everything gets better in life, no matter how devastating it feels in the moment. Sift through the complex emotions to discover the foundation to how you are feeling. 

My new Mantra….I kind of like it.

Leaning In

Life has been hard lately. Emotionally, I want to become a turtle and stick my head and limbs in my shell and turn the lights off. But, I know too much. I know the darkness is still waiting on the outside of that shell no matter how much I pretend it’s not.

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it”. -Albus Dumbledore.

I have an imperfect gift of numbing pain. I’m so good at it, actually, that I do it on purpose. I know how to take my emotions, package them up in a box and seal that joker shut until I am ready to open it or transport it somewhere else. I am practicing the art of vulnerability and it hurts. It hurts to rip that packing tape off the box and see the shame, perfectionism, self-protection, hurt, pain, regret, selfishness, and grief that have been locked up tight and protected.

“Vulnerability isn’t good or bad: It’s not what we call a dark emotion, nor is it always a light, positive experience. Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living” -Brene’ Brown Daring Greatly. 

Exposing my emotions reminds me of that dream where you show up to school or work without any clothes on and everyone is staring at you, but there is no escape…so pretty much, the most uncomfortable position you can find yourself in. I’ve come to realize that I tie my emotions to my self-worth. When I am happy and joyful, feeling is easy and I pride myself on knocking this life thing out of the park, but let those negative emotions step up to bat and my identity begins to morph into them and shame takes up residence.

“Most of us buy into the myth that if it’s a long fall from “I’m better than you” to “I’m not good enough”- but the truth is that these are two sides to the same coin. Both are attacks on our worthiness.” Brene’ Brown Rising Strong

There is a comfort for me when me when I take on shame and self-loathing as part of my being. It helps me cope with that feeling of vulnerability. “I’m not worth much, so I am not worth feeling much”. That comfort takes the pressure off and allows me to stay on deck instead of putting my two feet into that batter’s box; looking the pitcher in the eye and trusting my own judgment of what to do with the baseball as soon as it leaves his hand.

“Owning our stories means reckoning our feelings and rumbling with our dark emotions-our fear, anger, aggression, shame, and blame. This isn’t easy, but the alternative-denying our stories and disengaging from emotion-means choosing to live our entire lives in the dark. When we decide to own our stories and live our truth, we bring our light to the darkness”.

I went camping this past weekend and as I was sitting by the lake, I noticed a family of turtles. My goal on this trip was to self-reflect and be alone in nature with myself and my feelings. This little turtle family, a mama, daddy and four little turtles, hung out with me the entire afternoon. I knew God had placed them there for some sort of symbolism, but it wasn’t until I started writing this post that I realized what it was. If we choose to live like turtles and pull our most vulnerable parts in our shells at the first sign of threat, we will never be our most authentic self. We won’t know true connection until we decide to we expose our most defenseless selves to the world, lean into vulnerability,  and risk getting hurt.

 

Mood.

I haven’t been in the mood for writing too much. If I am honest, I sense myself sliding into a deep pit and my attempts to climb out feel like the dirt is crumbling between my fingers with no way out. In addition to the “busy season” we are in, there is a part of me that has been dreading a day that comes every year in June. Subconsciously, I hold out hope every year that the day would magically go away, but of course, it doesn’t and hits me just as hard as it did the year before. Father’s day is certainly a celebration for the ones who have parented and guided little one’s with love and affection. And while I have been blessed with an amazing Step-dad, father-in-law, step-in-dad, and daddy to my babies, the sting of that missing puzzle piece is still the same.

I have this coping mechanism every Father’s day to concentrate on the good and simply acknowledge the bad, but never dwell on it. It seems to work ok, but this year, I don’t want to push those feelings aside all day, lay my head on the pillow at night, only to be left with sadness that was there all along. The fact is, celebrating the good and grieving the loss aren’t in competition; they can both happen simultaneously, at their greatest potential.

So, today, I want to share with you my grief.

I physically lost my dad at the age of 15. He was arrested for child molestation and I was his victim. The day before his arrest was the last time I talked to him, and knowing what would be his fate the next day and I just couldn’t say goodbye. His little “princess” yearned to give her daddy one last hug before he was taken forever, but the prisoner within her had been released from the hell she had lived for so long and said, no.

Emotionally, my dad left me when I was 7, just two days before my birthday. He was fun and always lived life to experience it. He made routine interesting and always encouraged me to be the best I could be. He was unstoppable at anything he put his mind to, and to this day, I still admire that about him. He took us on adventures that always had life lessons or some sort of skills training. Some of the teachings he instilled in me still help me now. I find myself grieving because in one instant, all of those memories were gone. Sure, it still happened, but not without a black cloud looming over them. Every memory was covered with grime and nastiness that could never be washed off.

Grief hurts. Grief sucks. Grief is unavoidable. Grief is essential.

This is my four thought process to my grieving ways. Pain brings sadness-> Sadness brings anger-> anger brings the logic-> logic brings the gratitude.

When I was 18, I had not forgiven my dad and it was incredibly easy to hate him. I had anger fueling a fire within me, which made it easy to think…he hurt me…I hate him for it. When I finally decided to forgive him, our relationship became messy…mainly since it was a metaphorical relationship because we legally could not have contact. Either way, the mess was there and I was left to either live in it or deal with it. You see, for me, hatred and malice felt good. Those feelings were like a warm blanket to my dry, cold, shivering body. Without them, I would be cold again and I didn’t know how to remedy that problem without my feelings of hate. I couldn’t just walk into Target and buy a nice new one with pretty little unicorns and rainbows and live in a fantasy land forever. No, I was looking at some hardcore knitting in my future. I would need to learn new skills, requiring tiny movements, concentration, and being on guard at all times. It would be scary, overwhelming, sometimes seemingly hopeless, but I could see the end result in my head and it was beautiful.

As I celebrate Father’s day this year, I am reminded that loss and acceptance comes at a cost. The goodness and innocence in life will always be different because I am different. I was born a daughter with a father, but I am now and will always be a daughter without a father. And this truth hurts.

And while I live with this reality, I cherish the amazing men around me and continue to mourn the man I lost. This is my new normal and there is comfort in that. I don’t have to pretend the sadness is gone and I am fully healed. I can be the patchwork quilt, all tattered and torn and still appreciate all the sweetness life has to offer.

“It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” -A league of Their Own

“To live will be an awfully big ADVENTURE” -Peter Pan

 

The house with the Piano

 

Back in December, a group of my girl friends and I went to a conference. It was great and had a few things we learned  and say to each other still today. One thing we did was answer five questions about ourselves to help us find our essential self (the person who we are at our core). Most of them were easy, but one stood out as more intimidating than the others…”name one thing/new skill you want to learn this year for yourself”. I knew the answer quickly because it is something I have wanted to do for, well, my whole life. I filled in the blank and didn’t think much more about it, until….

February

We sold our house back in March. We started praying after we had the girls for a bigger house. We desperately needed more space, but the last few years had been a drain on us financially and we were in no way set up to make a move. I told some friends “God gave us the girls and He knew our needs when we received that blessing, so we will just pray for it to happen”. So, we did and like God always does in times of droughts and storms…He left us standing in awe of Him. Once we realized we would be in position to purchase a home after the sell of our current home, we started frantically looking, because it is a sellers market and we knew we needed to be prepared whenever the house sold. Since Decemberish, I would take the kids on rides after school periodically and we would look at houses from the road because 1. it was fun and 2. one of my spiritual gifts is prophecy and I knew once we saw the house, we would simply know it was right. On this particular day, I drove around looking at a few houses and as we drove up to the last house, I gasped and called my husband.

He had already seen the house from my view and we both agreed we loved the lay of the land and the charm of the house. It had character and literally every need/want on our list. We both had that unexplainable feeling that the house would be ours one day.

We called the owner’s (it was a for sale by owner) and they told us it was under contract and set to close at the end of December. We were really sad, but ultimately knew if it was the right move, it would happen. Fast forward to the end of December while I was out to eat for my birthday with my gal pals; my phone rang and my husband was on the other line. He explained that the deal had fallen through with the previous buyer and the owners of the house called him. They had already moved out of the house and into their parents home where they would live to take care of her elderly father. She told him she had written our name and number down on a tiny sheet of paper and stuck it on a drawer after our call of interest. She kept our number because my groom was so enthusiastic about the house and had made an impression on her. She further explained that her sister had packed up the drawer with the tiny piece of paper on it and they somehow found it after the move.

We met at the house and took earnest money to lock in the deal (our house was not even on the market, yet). As we were shown around the house, we talked about their sweet memories that had been made and told them of our dreams of country/small farm living. We found ourselves in the basement and the only thing left in the whole house was a queen size mattress and a piano. She said they both came with the house and it was at that moment that I knew God was telling me, in his creative way, the house would be ours. We moved in as “renters” and finally closed on the house today. The sellers would never leave a house meeting without praying over us and the decision first. They told us they had prayed and felt like God wanted us there and they were clueless about how much to list the house for, so they went with the number God gave them. We bought the house at that price, which was exactly the amount we felt comfortable with from the very beginning of the entire process.

My groom jokingly says, “are you sure you want to keep that piano” whenever the kids are banging on the keys and I smile and say, “absolutely”. This piano is one of the love letters from Jesus and I will keep it close to my heart and now I feel even more pressure to learn how to play.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your circumstances today, lean into the vulnerability and ask God to provide. My little family is living proof of His provision and even though the trek to get here was bumpy, the journey was completely worth it.

Favorite places and spaces

I have a board on Pinterest labeled favorite places and spaces. It’s one of my favorite boards because all the pictures are cozy and cute and simple. There are a few of these places in our house that I have and I plan to create more and more. My kids have some favorite spaces set up, too. Since the move, my bedroom has felt very stale. I love the feeling of being in my bed, but most of the walls are bare and there isn’t much coziness to call me in there. Today, I changed that. 

This is the corner beside my bed. It has all of my favorite things (excluding just a couple of things, of course). My diffuser, books and now first ever plant hanger that I made myself! Soul Sista and I got a lesson in macrame by another one of our good friends. I think we may have a new club on our hands (and all macrame lovers unite ✌🏽). We are both pretty proud of our creations and are most likely going to be addicted. She also dropped off the sweet little aloe Vera plant this morning on her way to work (I know, she spoils me 😻😻), so it’s going in the hanger for now, but will be switching it out soon for something a little bigger. 

Do you have favorite spaces in your house? Where do you go to unwind or get a way…de-stress? Bonus points for included pics of said spaces! 

Started my day off realizing I was out of coffee creamer. Of course, soul sista being the solution-ist that she is suggested making my own (that’s why she’s the doctor 😉). So, I did and it was so much fun! These flowers are fresh from the garden and adding a new oil to the mix made for a great start to this Wednesday. P. S. Went these flowers gorgeous?!? #hygge #simplify

#parentingfails

Parenting in today’s society is stressful. So much pressure from every angle, it’s exhausting. With each kid, the pressure to do everything perfectly faded and now there are four with two being 1 year old’s, they pretty much raise themselves and have full time jobs…just kidding 😉 But seriously, parenting is hard enough without all the parent shaming and judgment. Since I let you guys in on things that I am terrible at…I decided to do a parenting edition. So, here you go..

Ways I suck at parenting…

Routines…I am not one of those “self-disciplined” people, so pushing a routine on my kids doesn’t come naturally either. I have to work at it daily and sometimes I say “the heck with it…our village will unite and join forces today in true laziness and take the day as it unfolds”.

Making my kids eat… This one is sort of true…I have a lot of food allergies, so when it comes to pushing my kids to eat things they “don’t like”, I usually listen to their natural bodies responses because that is how my body works. The thought of eating a banana makes me gag…turns out…I am allergic to them. So, as long as we can find a healthy alternative, I don’t enforce the “I made it, so you have to eat it” rule.

Shoes…I grew up in the country and I also hate wearing shoes, so I really could care less if my kids have shoes on their feet when they play outside. I feel this weird guilt when other parents encourage their children to put shoes on before going outside because, like “do they care about their kids feet more than I?”..who knows. I read an article that said skin exposure to dirt strengthens their immune system…that article was my jam.

Saying no to memories… I am really really terrible at this one. If their is an opportunity for a memory to be made, it becomes lead role in my decision making. “You have your Sunday best on? Who cares if you play in that red dirt? Sure we are being totally wasteful and ruining a perfectly nice outfit, but hey…we all smiled and laughed and had a jolly good time, right?”…makes perfect logic, right?

Baths…I can not in my right mind admit to you how long my kids have gone without baths before. I just can not, for you will surely judge me…(swimming in pools count as baths, right?)

Eating out…We RARELY eat meals out as a family. My groom and I aren’t big diner’s ourselves, so naturally, it’s trickled into our parenting. We took Jonah out to eat the other day after his kindergarten musical and he was so impressed. This was literally his dialogue…”do we just leave our food and plates on the table?” me “yes”. “And the workers just pick it up?” me “yes”. “wow…that is so kind of them”. He then made it a personal goal to tell each waiter/waitress he saw thank you for cooking and/or cleaning up for us and to have a great day. Im not sure if I am ashamed or proud of this one…poor deprived little child.

Technology… my kids do not have their own tablets or electronic devices. They do use ours, but I just can’t buy into the modern day technology world. Call me old school…it ain’t happenin’.

These are some of the ways I am a failure at parenting. I know there are more, some I am aware of and surely some I am not. What are some of your parenting fails????

“Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good”

I remind myself, “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of good”. (Cribbed from Voltaire.) a twenty-minute walk that I do is better than the four-mile run I don’t do. The imperfect book that gets published is better than the perfect book that never leaves my computer. The dinner party of take-out Chinese food js better than the elegant dinner I never hosted. –
Gretchen Rubin 

My little “garden” that i am cautiously starting. I know it seems silly to be afraid of plants, but they intimidate me! They are sitting in the rain shower today getting a little life put back in them. A simple reminder to something rather than letting fear win by doing nothing. What are you teetering on the edge of today that is whispering and telling you to jump? I have a few things. Let’s tackle those as the weekend comes to the, dare I say it😫😫😫, close. Think of tomorrow as the the first day with a renewed sense of self ready to brave a brand new world!